Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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