careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize