Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
