I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
