His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
