Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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