end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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