The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
