Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
