Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize