a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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