i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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