maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
