Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize