I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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