Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
