My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
