you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
