I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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