life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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