She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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