you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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