Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
