I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
