My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
