I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
