drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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