I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
