New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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