I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
