wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
