note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
