I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
