My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
