I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She needs sedatives and a leash
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
