I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
