why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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