I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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