We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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