clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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