3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
