I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Randomize
