she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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