Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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