So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
