if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
