for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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