We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
