***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
