HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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