i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Drunk walkin through police station. America
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think a kid would responsible me up
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
