Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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