I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
