i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize