I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
