Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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