When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
