Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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