doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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