they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
