i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
