whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
