I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
