I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
