Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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