and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
