My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
barbara walters just said penis...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
