I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
