You just made me feel so damn special
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
