she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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