I met the friendliest cop last night
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
