I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So many bounce houses so little time
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
not ubering you a puppy
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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