you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize