i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I love having hate sex.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
