i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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