He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
