What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
