I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wish my penis had an off switch
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize