My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
