Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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