THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
