Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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