Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
