i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
