I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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