HIV tests are more positive than that guy
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
