we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
