i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
