dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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