is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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