ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
