i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
