i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
