how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
