think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I am spending my child support on dildos
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
