not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My penis needs a shock collar
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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