i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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