but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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