**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
